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Once upon a time, there was a strange boy named Jerry Droopy who picked his nose, and pretty much was loner. In his spare time, he played his flute, stood in dark corners, and collected boogers*(*note: he kept them in a relish jar and put them on his ham"boogers" and hot dogs). That was fine with everyone else, as long as he stayed away. But one day, he saw a story in the paper. The headline read "Radioactive slime spilled by Professor's Lake". There was a picture of the biggest, tastiest booger Jerry had ever seen. He grabbed his coat and ran out the door to the scene.
As soon as Boogerface (oh, sorry Jerry) got there, he realized that reaching the tantilizing booger would be tough with all the police, firefighters etc. So what do you think he did? You got it, he yelled "Look, there's Ren and Stimpy signing autographs!". Well, all of the officers etc. on guard ran to get Ren & Stimpy's autographs, I mean, who wouldn't? Jerry ran and starting to swim in this booger. As he was enjoying his swim, he heard someone yell "Hey, they aren't here! Where's that dumbass kid, get him!". "Oh crud(der)!" Jerry thought. He stood up and started to fill his pockets with as much as he could(he wanted to save some for his hambooger later). When the police were quickly approaching, Jerry did what any idiot would do. He started gulping down as much of the gooey, slimy stuff as he could, when he noticed. . .
. . .his hands, arms, legs and feet were glowing a bright radioactive green! He thought "Sheister! When Mom sees me she'll kill me! I'm supposed to be watching my ugly, fat dumpy beef of a sister, Sarah! Shootily Dootily!". And as soon as his pockets were full of the slime, he ran home. But he didn't make it. Halfway home, something happened inside him. All the crusty old boogers clinging to the walls of his stomach mixed with the slime. He morphed into Boogerman, better known as the Great Mummah.*(*note: he changed it afraid his mother, Mrs. Droopy, would beat him.) But enough of that, now onto explaining the start of the "Yam-Meister".
The Great Mummah knew that he couldn't live in Bramledesh anymore. People would laugh at him. "Wait," he thought, "they already do!". The Great Mummah knew his calling--he must venture to the island of Wachichi. How he got there? Well, some experts believe he swam, others believe the radioactiveness gave him the power to fly. But no one knows for sure. . .as he arrived, he noticed a huge cave, big enough to fit his gigantic radioactive self inside. But as he got closer, he noticed something on the walls--CHARACTERS written in some sort of crud(der). He could understand them though. They read--DO NOT ENTER. HOME OF THE GROSS YAM-MEISTER. The Great Mummah didn't care. He thought his radioactiveness could save his butt in danger. He ventured inside and came face to face with the Yam-Meister!!!
He stood next to the sickening creature and looked her up and down. Her hair was dry and crusty, yet oily at the same time. Her face was reddish, and through dry, cracked lips you could see her orange teeth. Her hands and feet seemed to be made of elephant skin. "Beautiful!" thought the Great Mummah, although most would shudder at the sight. Then she stared at him and thought "This is the Harry Im gonna marry!"*(*note: Yammy thinks all guys names are Harry unless she knows them well.)
As they talked over hamboogers they felt such a strong connection between their gross selves. As they laughed, bellowed etc. they didn't notice the big oceanliner hurtling across the water. "Aye Captain, were getting to dry land! Maybe well be the first pirates to capture the creature known as Yammy." "I don't know" the captain thought miserably as he scanned his crew. He saw Steve, known also as the Wife Dodger, with his thick-rimmed glasses and worn out old baseball cap. "HeY cAPtaIn, i thInK I sEE a mArY-ANn uP ahEAd!"*(*note: Steve's still going through puberty). The captain shook his head miserably. He looked up towards the unknown one, his only known name is The Ear Bender (aka TEB) because occasionally he runs up to people, grabs their ears, pushes them down and in a slightly high voice says "BEND!". He usually does this when he's drunk. TEB noticed the Captain looking at him, put down his whiskey, ran up, pushed the Captain's ear down and yelled "BEND!". Captain pushed him away and told him to continue picking his feet and drinking his whiskey. The Captain saw TEB approach one of the last members on the ship, the old Barkeep. What else can we say, he looks like Moe from the Simpsons. "What a pitiful crew." Thought the Captain. "I will give a hundred pieces o' 8 to the buccaneer who can capture this hideous beast!". As the captain said this, he saw the perfect bait, a glowing giant picking his nose and kissing, you guessed it, Yammy.
The Captain shouted to Steve, "Hurry up you nerdy freak!". But Steve was too busy looking at pictures of his beloved, Slaron*(*note: names changed for privacy) stuck on his wall. So the Captain yelled to the Barkeep instead. He heard a cry; A stowaway! The Captain rushed up in time to slam into a young boy. "White-Gold!" shouted the Captain. The boy got up and dashed from the Captain's reach. White-Gold, or WG was an old cabin boy on the ship. He didn't talk, and was always in trouble. Anyways, WG ran towards TGM (are all the short-forms getting to you yet?) and to everyones surprise, shouted "Father!". The first time WG had talked in all his ten years. The two picked their noses, smacked hands and shouted an ape-call*(*note: secret Mummah handshake). Yammy waddled/lumbered over to WG. She kissed his cheek with her dry yet rubbery lips. Then the three ran into the cave. Deciding to wait for the beast to come out, the Captain retreated to his cabin for the night.
Wife Dodger started down the long stretch towards the cave. "THUD!" "oW!" "BANG!" "oUCh!" (the sounds of Wife Dodger when he forgets to wear his glasses). He went into the cave as quietly as possible (which is hard for him) and approached WG. . .*back at the ship* "Pick!" "Piiiiiiiiick!" "Pickpickpick!" "Have you done this before Barkeep?" asked the Captain, questioning the wonderful picking skills of the Barkeep. "Well," he explained "A) I've seen a lot of pickers at Flaming Moes, and B) I was in the army!". Eventually they filled the jar, and waited for Steve. Two hours later, he came back with a struggling WG(Good thing he doesn't talk!). "What took so long?" asked the Captain. "i cOuLDnt fiND thE sHiP!" squeaked Wife Dodger, a little frightened and lumpy from running into things, but otherwise OK. Then the Captain said "Look at the sun rising in the east!" Steve and the Barkeep looked outside as the Captain muttered "Now for my plan. I said the east, not the south, dummies!!"
"Alright," called the captain "put the jar in place!". The crew did as they were told. "Put WG on the slow moving dipping mechanism and get ready to start it up on my cue!". The Captain looked up as he felt the earth begin to shake. "Oh," he thought "Just Mummah and Yammy frolicking in the meadow!" "AAgggaaahhhgahooooooooooooo!" White-Gold's screams filled the island. "AAgggaaahhhgah!" TGM returned the call and noticed his dilemma. If WG was lowered into the snot, he would get all of the grime from his clothes in it, and spoil the boogers! And if he WAS lowered, he would drown! Mummah let out a wail of despair. "Ooooooooooooooodaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!" He trompled over to White-Gold when he noticed. . .
. . .two big warty arms pulling WG down! It was Yammy! She grabbed the jar of boogers, threw WG over her shoulder and waddled/lumbered away. Wife Dodger was too busy looking at pictures of Slaron to notice. The Barkeep was using nasal mist since his nose was dry from picking, and the Captain, well, he had gone stark raving mad!!
Poor Captain Holloway. Ever since his plan failed, he spends his days and nights dancing around singing Aqua songs, mainly his favourite Roses are Red. Oh there he is, way over there. Cant you faintly hear it? His ritual Come pick my roses followed by "EEE EEE EEE!" somedays he thinks he's a caveman, others a monkey. Whatever his mood, he shall never forget the failed capture of Yammy. As for Yammy and the Great Mummah, that will be another story.
THE END
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